It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Monday, January 30, 2006
withers away @ 8:30 am

im here in china in lijiang! haha.. there's free internet use in the villa we're living here... so cool! hope everyone is still fine at home.. waiting for breakfast to be served.. ok gtg.. cya soon! i'll be back in a few days..

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
withers away @ 11:19 pm

well well.. time for some updates..
on sat the zoo went to el's house for a sleepover.. bao its a pity u missed it man.. we didnt really have a plan of what to do but somehow we just got things going.. its pretty amazing how much stuff we can still talk abt.. we basically spent quite a bit of time just talking.. and maybe we did talk abt too many ghosts.. el's posters just kept falling off.. even into the night.. its quite freaky really.. haha we just occupied ourselves with random stuff like.. looking through el's wardrobe, watching ayumi's pvs, dinner at pizzahut, watching a hilarious ad on el's com.. really random stuff.. oh yes not forgetting doing yoga with bea.. haha.. it was funny.. and somehow we got to playing some silly game with the blanket.. all the weird stuff that we do man.. den me and bea talked to nearly 3am.. and guess wad i was the one who's going to wake up the earliest. at 6.30am
so i did wake up at 6.30 *miracle* while everyone else in the house, including the maid was sleeping. went down to get el up, though we realized later that it was of no use since i could open the door myself without a key.. den i was in the study room alone when i heard a bang in the living room. looked out but of course there was nothing.. no wind, no one.. den i got reminded of wad el said.. oh well.. den v soon after someone knocked on the glass window panes of the study room. nearly scared me, but it was the maid.. haha.. everything else after went fine, as though it was my own house.. its always a nice time out with the zoo *beams* oh yes bao remind me to give u the neoprints we took..
went for interview at nyps ytd.. nearly late coz i couldnt find the main gate >< it went pretty well coz mdm heng, the principal, was v nice abt everything i said.. maybe coz i was agreeing with everything she said.. haha.. so i was told to wait for a call today.. well even the guards were nice to me.. they said hope to see u soon when i was leaving:)
and so i waited.. but missed the call coz i left my phone alone for 5min.. idiotic.. i called back but the person obviously wasn't the one who called me.. i guess i couldn't make her understand that someone from the sch really called me.. so i had to continue waiting.. finally it came after i took the btt and was going to cyn's house for dinner.. yeah people, i got the job! yoohoo.. pay isn't as high as i expected, but alot more work and stuff i didnt expect is sure to come.. still im excited coz its wad i really wanna do and experience.. its nthg abt the pay.. i just wanna know how its like..
i'll be off to china soon.. take care people.. and happy cny to all, since i wun be here then.. :)

It's something Mystical

Saturday, January 21, 2006
withers away @ 12:52 am

wo de tian kong jin tian you dian hui
wo de xin shi ge luo ye de ji jie
wo bu zhi dao ru he du guo jin ye
suo you de deng zao yi jing quan dou xi mie
tian hui by s.h.e.

It's something Mystical

Friday, January 20, 2006
withers away @ 12:23 am

wad does the poster mean to me? i guess mum doesnt know when she insisted on throwing it away,over some stupid reason not worth rmbring, though i tried to snatch it.. though she finally realized it meant something, since i sulked and left the room to prevent myself from saying anything nasty, it was too late i guess..
wad does it mean to lose something dear to u? would it be the same if u got it back again?
throwing it away and keeping it in a corner in the drawer. to mum they're all the same. to me its a whole lot of difference.

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, January 10, 2006
withers away @ 10:29 pm

enjoyed myself these two days:)
ytd went out wif joan at night.. caught narnia.. we actually smuggled in bk to eat as our dinner haha.. lucky we didnt get caught.. haha.. nice show.. den we just slacked ard to talk.. like really recall all the stuff we went thru.. its all nice and sad too.. oh wells.. haha.. but it was nice just to sit down to talk.. abt like anything that come to mind.. :)
today went out with the zoo.. had sushi and el realized her shoe was coming apart.. haha.. so funny.. so she shuffled her way to get new shoes.. of coz we went with her too.. haha.. shopped ard and then took neoprint.. shopped more.. i realized we can just spend the whole day shopping haha.. we dun really need to plan alot when we go out.. got nice plushes as presents haha.. im hugging the pig now :)
thanks to all who msged.. or called.. haha.. it was really nice of all of u:)
neng bu neng zai ting yi ci ni shuo ai wo
hui dao hai zai ni huai li de shi hou
neng bu neng rang wo zai yi ci yong you
ceng shu yu wo de wen rou
zai yi ci yong you by gong shi jia

It's something Mystical

Friday, January 06, 2006
withers away @ 10:55 pm

im still jobless:( haha nvm.. i want a job.. its pretty sickening sitting at home doing nothing when u are doing it for a really long time.. and mum will tell me to do household chores all the time coz i "got nothing to do mah.." sometimes i just want some time off with no one to shout to ask me to go out to do smth.. no one to suddenly creep up to say "wah u playing game ah".. it gives me a fright usually, as though im supposed to be doing work..
but sometimes it sux when everywhere is so quiet.. so that's why a radio is always nice:) and of coz, jay's nov's chopin.. hoho..
hui huai de sha diao ru he chong lai
you lie hen de ai zen me chong gai
zhi shi yi qie
jie shu tai kuai
ni shuo ni wu fa shi huai
shan hu hai by jay and lara

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, January 04, 2006
withers away @ 11:11 pm

when i was tired, i asked for a break. when i got it, the freedom turned into uneasiness, confusion and wrongdoings which i didnt even know actually existed.
its smth that's supposed to go with me.. if it doesnt i just feel weird.. its destined lah.. haha..
im just weird..
i love winter:)
ps. mission master, hope u're pleased:)
waiting is supposed to be a beautiful process. ~to all who are waiting..

It's something Mystical

Sunday, January 01, 2006
withers away @ 11:19 pm

i feel queasy thinking abt the days ahead of me. i wanna go sch again.. guess its a transition period i gotta go thru.. with lotsa challenges.. and a mission i didnt exactly ask for.. haha.. nvm nvm..
i'll complete it dun worry ;P

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 11:47 am

ytd was pretty fun and cool man.. met up the pw group for dinner and countdown.. never expected mum to allow me to go for it but still.. haha.. casie came late coz she had work.. so we went walking around first and we met jc and sum! haha so funny.. gaying tgt haha.. sum looked v happy.. den later we were eating so slowly while waiting for casie to come, all the waiters were looking at us and we were trying hard to ignore them.. haha.. so in the end we stayed there for 2h i think haha..
den we left for city hall while joanne went home.. it was really crowded.. and hot.. casie was dying liaoz.. she was really tired.. but the fireworks really perked her up.. haha.. it was really nice and she thought it was really worth it.. same here:) though our view was blocked by trees and stuff coz we were all facing the wrong direction..
the real challenge was to get home.. it was so damn crowded we were being pushed around quite terribly.. walked quite abit before we got to the mrt stat.. wanted to take train to orch den take NR buses home.. i should have just taken the train from there straight and take 14 home lah.. casie wanted to take NR3 while i was waiting for other NR buses at another bus stop.. in the end she took some weird bus that she herself also dunno goes where! except that it goes to cck.. told her to ask the bus driver.. it was real late by then lah..
den the stupid buses refused to come and when it did it was too crowded for me to get on. the last mrt has long left.. ended up taking taxi.. oh wells.. haha
barney and i were really worried for casie coz she never replied our msges or answered her phone.. right till both of us reached home we still couldnt contact casie.. it was already nearly 3am by then lah.. lucky abt 15min later she msged and said she reached home.. phew.. so ended up sleeping at 3.30am..
but still it was nice:) i'll remember my mission..
qing ni shuo
wo men wei he bian cheng mo lu ren de mu yang
qing ni shuo
hai you shen me bi chen mo geng nan kan
nan dao hu xiang yin cang
jiu neng bi mian le shi wang
biao bai you shen me ke pa
qi ni bu pa wei nan
bu yao guai wan
shall we talk by eason

It's something Mystical